Bullying is a form of abuse, an act of repeated aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person. It is usually repeated acts over time that involve a real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful individual or group abusing those who are less powerful either socially or physically. Bullying consists of four basic types of abuse – verbal, social, physical and cyber. It typically involves subtle methods of psychological manipulation where someone is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons.
Bullying is persistent unwelcome behaviour, and includes invalid criticism, name-calling, isolation, exclusion, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, and/or humiliated. Bullying is when someone hurts or scares another person on purpose.
Bullying can be broken into two categories: direct bullying, and indirect bullying (also known as social aggression).
Direct bullying involves a great deal of physical aggression such as shoving and poking, throwing things, slapping, choking, punching and kicking, beating, stabbing, pulling hair, scratching, biting, etc.
Social aggression or indirect bullying is characterized by threatening the victim into social isolation.. This isolation is achieved through a wide variety of techniques, including spreading gossip, refusing to socialize with the victim, bullying other people who wish to socialize with the victim, and criticizing or making fun of the victim's manner of dress and other socially-significant markers (including the victim's race, religion, disability, etc).
Other forms of indirect bullying are more subtle and more likely to be verbal, such as name calling, the silent treatment, arguing others into submission, gossip (often false), lies, rumours (again often false), starring, giggling, laughing at the victim, saying certain words that trigger a reaction from a past event, and mocking.
The four most common types of bullying are:
Verbal bullying - name-calling, sarcasm, teasing, spreading rumours, threatening, making fun of someone's culture, ethnicity, race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation, and can even include unwanted sexual comments.
Social Bullying - mobbing, excluding others from a group, humiliating others with public gestures or graffiti intended to put others down.
Physical Bullying - hitting, poking, pinching, chasing, shoving, coercing, destroying or stealing belongings, unwanted sexual touching.
Cyber Bullying - using the internet or text messaging to intimidate, put-down, spread rumours or make fun of someone.
Bullying can cause loneliness, depression, anxiety, low self esteem and increased susceptibility to illness. The effects of bullying can be serious and even fatal. There is a growing body of research indicating that individuals, whether child or adult, who are persistently subjected to abusive behavior are at risk of stress related illness which can sometimes lead to suicide. Victims of bullying can suffer from long term emotional and behavioral problems.
Some of these include:
• withdrawal from family and school activities, wanting to be left alone
• shyness
• stomach aches
• headaches
• panic attacks
• not being able to sleep
• sleeping too much
• exhaustion
• nightmares
Stress and anxiety caused by bullying and harassment can make it more difficult for kids to learn. It can cause difficulty in concentration and decrease their ability to focus, which affects their ability to remember things they have learned. Bullying can lead to more serious concerns.
Bullying is painful and humiliating, and kids who are bullied feel embarrassed, battered and shamed. If the pain is not relieved, bullying can even lead to consideration of suicide or violent behaviour.
As well, children who learn they can get away with violence and aggression continue to do so in adulthood. They have a higher chance of getting involved in dating aggression, sexual harassment and criminal behaviour later in life.
Characteristics of bullies
It is believed that bullying behavior has its origin in childhood:
Research indicates that adults who bully have personalities that are authoritarian and have a strong need to control or dominate. Envy and resentment are also strong motives for bullying. While some bullies are arrogant and narcissistic, others use bullying as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety or to boost self esteem: by demeaning others.
Other contributing factors can be depression, personality disorders, quickness to anger, drug addiction, mistaking actions as hostile and concern with preserving self image.
Bullies may bully because they themselves have been the victim of bullying. If aggressive behaviour is not challenged in childhood, there is a danger that it may become habitual. Indeed, there is evidence, to indicate that bullying during childhood puts children at risk of criminal behaviour and domestic violence in adulthood.
School bullying
In schools, bullying occurs in all areas of school. It can occur in nearly any part in or around the school building, though it more often occurs in Phys-Ed class, recess, hallways, bathrooms, on or waiting for school buses, classes that require group work and/or after school activities.
Bullying in school sometimes consists of a group of students taking advantage of or isolating one student in particular and gaining the loyalty of bystanders who want to avoid becoming the next victim. These bullies taunt and tease their target before physically bullying the target. Targets of bullying in school are often pupils who are considered strange or different by their peers to begin with, making the situation harder for them to deal with.
One student or a group can bully another student or a group of students. Bystanders may participate or watch, sometimes out of fear of becoming the next victim. However, there is some research suggesting that a significant proportion of "normal" school children may not evaluate school-based violence (student-on-student victimization) as negatively or as being unacceptable as much as adults generally do.
Bullying can also be perpetrated by teachers and the school system itself: There is an inherent power differential in the system that can easily predispose to subtle or covert abuse (humiliation or exclusion), even while maintaining overt commitments to anti-bullying policies.
Anti-bullying programs are designed to teach students cooperation, as well as training peer moderators in intervention and dispute resolution skills.
Tips to Avoid Being Bullied
• hang out with friends. Bullies pick on kids who are alone.
• join groups and find friends who like the same things you do.
• walk to school with someone - brothers, sisters, neighbors, or friends.
• avoid bullies. If you know a kid who doesn't like you, then stay away from them.
• avoid places bullies are. Walk to school earlier or later. Take different paths to school to keep away from the bully.
• don't be alone in the hallways, restrooms, empty classrooms, or playgrounds.
• stay within sight of teachers and grownups when you are at school. If they can see you, they can help you.
• sit near the bus driver on the school bus.
• don’t bring expensive stuff or lots of money to school. Bullies pick on kids who bring things they can take. It's not worth getting hurt. Things can be replaced but you can't!
• check out the way you act. Slouching, looking at the ground or your feet, and fidgeting show that you're not sure of yourself. Look confident and the bully probably won't pick on you.
• don’t act scared- hold your head up, stand up straight, and don't look at the ground or your feet. Bullies don't pick on kids who are confident.
Advice for Parents
Look for signs of your child being bullied, such as
• trouble sleeping
• wetting the bed
• stomach and headaches
• lack of appetite, throwing up
• fear of going to school
• crying before/after school
• lack of interest at social events that include other students
• complains of illness before school and school events
• frequent visits to the school nurse or office complaining of feeling sick and wants to call to come and get them
• lowered self-esteem
• a marked change in attitude, dress or habits
• unexplained broken personal possessions, loss of money, loss of personal items
• unexplained bruises & injuries or stories that don't add up
• acting out aggression at home
• missing or incomplete school work
If you suspect your child is being bullied, talk to them. If they will not share their experiences with you talk to the school authorities and if necessary, the police.