1. Incident
   • Any type of abuse occurs (physical, sexual, emotional,
     social)

2. Tension Builds
   • Abuser starts to get angry
   • Abuse may begin
   • There is a breakdown in communications
   • The victim feels a need to keep the abuser calm
   • Tension becomes too much
   • Victim feels like they are walking on eggshells

3. Making up
   • Abuser may apologize for abuse
   • Abuser may promise it will never happen again
   • Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
   • Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as 
     bad as the victim claims

4. Calm
   • Abuser acts like the abuse never happened.
   • Physical abuse may not be taking place.
   • Promises during “make up” may be met.
   • Victim may hope the abuse is over
   • Abuser may give gifts to victim

5. Cycles back to 1.  Incident

Note: This cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete. As time goes on, the “making up” and calm stages may disappear.

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